You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Is Oprah even human
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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