There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
