How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
