Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I need water and some morals
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
