My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
