Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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