Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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