Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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