If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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