I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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