i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
