Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
