Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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