I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
