Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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