i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
