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I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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