I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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