Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize