How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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