I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
