He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
