I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
nutella sex= disaster
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I see more hoeing in ur future
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
