What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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