we should wear snuggies to the strip club
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
