We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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