I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
