That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
