He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
