C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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