it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
