i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
