i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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