beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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