Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
