he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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