You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
