The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Randomize
