i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
