Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
