I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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