Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
