How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
