so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
