you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
