I bet he comes in French.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
