Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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