1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
