Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
