You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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