i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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