He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
