im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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