we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
