He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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