Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
