Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Randomize
