i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
