I only kidnapped one of them. chill
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
