he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
