So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
