As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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