the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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