So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
