I puked a lego.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
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