there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
