To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
