she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
