Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
