I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
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