it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize