When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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