I got chris browned last night
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it hurts more in the daytime
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
as a side note pls kill me
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
