she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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