I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
