people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
