Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
