its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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