Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
