Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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