your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
