My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I supernannyed him into submission
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
