I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
