mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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