and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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