Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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