So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
