Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
