So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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