Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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