you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
