i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
