What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
