So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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