I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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