I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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