better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
