Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
