This house was built for laser tag.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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