Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
