Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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