when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
