return my video game
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
