If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
They have beer where we have blood.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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