New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
They took my balls.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
