Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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