i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
