did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Sober January is a disaster.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
third nipple confirmed
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize